Countdown To Pinning In Hours!

I'm so overwhelmed with excitement right now that I can't sleep.  So what do I do?  Blog.  Duh.

I cannot believe that it is May 12th, 2012.  It seems so unreal.

I've been actively working on getting my nursing degree for 4 years and going to college for  5 years now.  It feels like a long time, but it really isn't in the grand scheme of things.

My family came up today so they wouldn't have to drive the hour and a half to get here at 0830 in the morning. I'm glad because they bought me dinner... And they are fun to hangout with!

I'm so filled with emotion I'm not really sure what to do with it.

This morning all I felt like doing was crying.  For oh so many reasons, but I think it was just a way to let some emotion out quickly.

I'm ready.  Finally.  Yesterday, I wasn't ready to graduate.

I'm done with the tests, the papers, the deadlines, and the library.  I'm excited for the future and ready for a real big girl job.

"I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7

PS 8.5 hours to go until Pinning begins!

There, I Said It

So I just turned the big 2-3 last week.

It's been tumultuous week, mostly because I wasn't ready to be 23.  That number just sounds so old, doesn't it?

What have I done in my 23 years?

I think my problem might be that I don't have any goals right now.  Or that my goals are very ambiguous, like "get a job."  What kind of goal is that?  Gosh.

My goal was to graduate nursing school, but now that it's so close I'm scared.  There, I said it.  Scared.

And now that it's out, I can get over it.

"Thus saith the Lord that made thee, and formed thee from the womb, which will help thee; Fear not." Isaiah 44:2

Let's Review

Last year I post some New Years Resolutions.

1. I think I did okay writing funny blogs.  I could definitely do more.  Here's one.  And another.
2. I have one song that I'm working on.  So I guess I should get moving with that.
3. Exercise is again going to be a New Years Resolution.
4. I read a few pages out of my MedSurg book this semester.  Does that count? No.
5. This I did.
6. I had people over!
7. I got the grades!! But I'm not gonna post them.
8. Success.  Usually.
9. During Finals I did study at the library.
10. I pray I see Father God move in big ways this year.

That's the review.

Now for new some new goals:

1. Be patient with myself and others.
2. Finish nursing school/get my license/be a great nurse.
3. Remember that God is in control.

"I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty." Revelation 1:8

Slow Learner

I think I might have already forgotten the lesson I learned this morning....

(See previous post.)

"O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me." Psalm 25:2

Trust Issues

Have you ever thought about whether you really trust God?

Yeah, you hear in church that you have to trust Him.  But do you really?  Do I really?

I think it takes baby steps.  Learning to trust God not just as a whole, like you trust all chairs to hold you up, but in individual instances, in different everyday circumstances, is what I need to work on.

Of course I trust to to protect me (Psalm 18:2), make my path straight (Isaiah 45:2), and that he has a plan (Psalm 37:5).  But do I trust him in the little things?

No matter what?  "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him," Job 13:15.

When I'm afraid do I trust Him?  "What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee," Psalm 56:3.

I think I'm learning.

Today I'm singing this song:

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus

Just to take Him at His Word

Just to rest upon His promise

Just to know, "Thus saith the Lord"

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him

How I've proved Him o're and o're

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus

O for grace to trust Him more

O how sweet to trust in Jesus

Just to trust His cleansing blood

And in simple faith to plunge me

'Neath the healing cleansing flood

Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus

Just from sin and self to cease

Just from Jesus simply taking

Life and rest, and joy and peace

I'm so glad I learned to trust Thee

Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend

And I know that Thou art with me

Wilt me with me to the end

Two finals down, two to go.  152 days until graduation!!!

We'll Take A Look

Do you know these lyrics?

"And so what we have learned applies to our lives today, and God has a lot to say in His Book.  You see, we know that God's Word is for everyone; and now that our song is done, we'll take a look."

Think about it for a minute.

Do you remember where it's from?

Veggie Tales!!!

These are a few of the things I learned this week:

1) I need to watch my mouth.

"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14

"Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man." Colossians 4:6

2) I am still a sinner.

"For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

"All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all." Isaiah 53:6

[It seems to me that a lot of Christians walk around like they aren't sinners, or that they don't sin.  Sin is committed with things you think about (Matthew 5:28), things you do that you shouldn't do, and things you should do that you don't do (Exodus 20).  If you only count the last one, not reading your Bible is sin.  Say you only sinned 3 times a day, that's more than a 1000 in a year, and by age 22 that's 22,000 sins.  But I bet I sin more than just 3 times a day.  I'm beginning to realize that I am not perfect and I need Jesus everyday to save me from myself.]

3) I'm forgiven.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrightousness." 1 John 1:9

It's been a good week.

ATI Pediatric exam tomorrow.  Presentation on Tuesday.  Then Finals next week.

Introspection

I wish I knew what I was thinking so I could share it.  But I just don't know what I think.

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" Jeremiah 17:9

For Real Now

"Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin." James 4:17

"Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season." Hebrews 11:25

"For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

"For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 6:23

"Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us." Galatians 3:13

Intimacy Versus Isolation

Earlier this week I was upset because I realized that on my next birthday I'm going to be 23 years old.  23.  That number just sounds old, doesn't it?  What have I done in these 22.75 years of my life?  Okay, I've done lots of cool stuff, but still.

Then I was thinking about how I don't feel like an adult.  And that by 23 I thought I'd have life figured out.  But no.  The more I know, the more I know I don't know.

Which brings me to my next point.  Apparently I am not a teenager.  I don't think that I know everything anymore.

I seem to have more questions than I have answers.  Philosophical questions.  Relationship questions.  Nursing questions.  Religious questions.  Just questions.  I guess I should be asking God (the maker of the universe) the questions instead of mulling them over in the head and going crazy on the inside.

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:" Matthew 7:7

"Thus saith the Lord, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls." Jeremiah 6:16

"He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good: and what does the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with they God?" Micah 6:8

Changing My Mind

New thought process:

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Philippians 4:8

Choosing to trust God and not go crazy thinking about everything that is in my head.

So:  "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Romans 12:2

And lastly: "For he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Hebrews 13:5.

10 Years? Really?

It does not feel like it has been 10 years since 9/11/01.

A lot has changed since then.  But people still don't seem to know that the Pentagon is in Virginia, not D.C.

I was just 12 years old then.  And my outlook changed.

Heard someone today say that it was a call to prayer for the Muslims.  I think that is a good idea.

Going to work on that now.

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you." Matthew 5:44

PS, over 5,000 blog views!!!

Assembly Line

Sometimes I feel like I'm on an assembly line.

"What does that mean, Katie?" you ask.

I'm not sure, but this is what I am trying to say.  I guess sometimes school feels like an assembly line.  And I don't mean having to wait in a line to get a PPD done or something like that, but knowledge wise I mean.  Don't lose me here, okay?

I feel like I go though all these classes, and different teachers are adding knowledge and wisdom to me, but I feel like I just keep moving.  It's kind of like that I Love Lucy episode where she is packaging chocolates.  You know where she and Ethel had to wrap chocolates, and at first it was slow and they could do it easy, and then the lady started to make the belt go faster and faster, and they just couldn't keep up with it.  Relating that to me, I feel like before nursing school the belt was going slow and I could do it, but now, the belt just keeps getting faster and faster and faster.  And there are more things I need to know and to do.  But not in a bad way.  I don't know, just saying.

Another thing I was thinking was how I am apart of someone's vision for a nursing school.  Some old lady somewhere was thinking about how the world needed more nurses and how she would teach them, and now here I am, in her nursing school, becoming a nurse.  It's interesting to think about it.

It also makes me think about how God prepares us for His service in His vision.  He makes sure we are ready by giving us different trials and lessons before he send us out into His plan.  But I can't forget that the time right now is His plan too.

"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.  But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." James 1:2-4

My Prayer Time/TCL #3

Maybe it's time to stop looking at my life and start living it.

"The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep." John 10:10-11

I'm am going to do today, and not worry about yesterday or tomorrow.

"Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever." Hebrews 13:8

I can ask God for anything because of Jesus.

"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16

And have nothing lacking.

"The young lions do lack, and suffer hunger: but they that seek the LORD shall not want any good thing." Psalm 34:10

No matter how I feel, Jesus is still there for me always.

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9.

With the truth being told, I have a hard time remembering all this when it comes right down to it.

I pray over my food and when someone comes to me and asks me to pray for a specific need. I even remember needs people have told me as I see their name on Facebook and pray for them. But when I comes to the important things, I worry.

Or, listen to this, I think I can bank prayer (and maybe even Bible reading).

Like for example, my senior year of high school, I knew I wanted direction from God about what to do about college and what His plan was for me (because "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Jeremiah 29:11), so I figured I would pray about it and get direction. Then I got it. And I didn't have the urgency to pray as much anymore.

I honestly was thinking - I need to have a good relationship with God now so that in a couple of months when I start needing to make decisions with my life, I can hear God's voice. Because apparently I thought that, you can't just sit in your room one day and pray for awhile and expect to hear God's voice right then. You need to build a relationship. Which I think it true. We do need to "work on" our relationship with God. We need to read our Bibles and pray consistently.

But that idea, that thought process kind of makes it seem like God is going to ignore me because I was ignoring Him. But I don't think God is that friend who you after you've been out of town for a while and you come back and call them up, ignores you for being gone for so long, and you have to coax them into going out with you. God doesn't play mind games with us. God loves us.

I guess there is balance. I just got to ask Him where it is.

I think the point of this is that I need to pray more. But not only for direction, but for relationship. Because that is what Jesus and Christianity and church is all about, relationship.

"But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you." John 14:26

And: TCL #3 -- Theological conversations.

And and, I shot guns today. So that was fun. And last week we went to a major league baseball game (my first); that was fun too.

And and and, the hardest part for me when writing blogs isn't the actual blog, but the title. I'm not sure why.

Chocolate Or Vanilla?

Have you ever gotten what you wanted then found out that you weren't sure that was what you wanted?


Confused?  Me too.


It's kind of like really really really wanting a Chipotle burrito, but they were being skimpy on the salsa, and it just didn't hit the spot, and you spent $8 for nothing.


Or like the time I was in Switzerland, and my new cousins took me to a gelato stand, and made me pick what kind I wanted first.  I picked chocolate - because I almost always pick chocolate, and everyone else picked vanilla.  Why did they all pick vanilla?  Why did they make me go first?  (I think they were being nice.)  If I had seen everyone else pick vanilla, I certainly would have too.  I want to know what the vanilla was like.  Was it better than the chocolate?  Or were they just vanilla people?  I would have asked, but I don't speak French.


Or it's like how I chose this path in life, and I got exactly what I wanted.  I even praise God for giving it to me, because it is so amazing.  I am in awe sometimes about how much He has blessed me.  But then I think, what am I doing here?  How did I get to this place?  Did I make the right choice?  Or did God just bless my choices?  Then I have to get rid of the Deist thinking of God winding the clock and letting me go.  Because I know that He has a plan and a purpose for my life.  Not just a generic - oh, bless anything that Katie does today, blessing.  But a - Here is the path, walk therein.  I guess I just get worried when I see others with lives that are 2 steps ahead of mine, and I can't wait to be there (Whether those people be in romantic comedies or real life.  And what does it matter what other people are doing?).  But at the same time, I really don't have a vision past next May/June 2012.    


And now I'm thinking that it is a good time to start praying about the vision coming 2012.  Because without a vision, people don't do so well.


I'm not sure if it's PMS or too many movies or too much time to think, but welcome to the thoughts of me.  And that's probably enough crazy for one night.


"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Jeremiah 29:11


"Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls." Jeremiah 6:16a


"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's." Exodus 20:17


"Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he." Proverbs 29:18

Busy Bumble Bee

I am tired.


I don't think I've been this tired in awhile.  At least since classes ended in May (and school stress feels different somehow).


I got up early (like 0730ish, that's early to me for the summertime) to drive Mother to her work thingee, then waited until she was done, then drove her to her office.


Then off to Taco Bell to feed my addiction.


Then Father had two appointments I drove him to.


Next we drove all the way down the wrong road looking for the Ford dealer, when it was on the other side of town.  Father and I both figured it was by all the other car dealers.  Nope.


Then no one wanted to make dinner so we went to Subway.


Then we needed to return at shirt at Kohl's.


After all that, I was thinking about my feelings.  Awww, yes, feelings.


Actually the stress feelings.


I'd like to blame the stress on the traffic or the atmosphere of where I'm at right now (as opposed to where I go to university).  But I don't know if that is fair.


Can I blame the air for the stress that I feel in my body?  I guess.  But that makes my feelings everyone else's or the world's fault.


What if, just once, instead of blaming traffic on my being stressed, I decided to trust God with my time?


What if I didn't let the temperature outside decide if I was going to have a good day or not?


How about if I let God worry about the little things of everyday life instead of getting upset at the kid in Subway with his Walkman loud enough for all of Subway to enjoy? (Walkman? Ipod?  I tried not to turn around to look at him.)


What if, what if I cast all my cares of God?


Then I think, how the heck do you do that?  I'm not sure, obviously.  But I think it starts with knowing what God says:


"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." 1 Peter 5:7


"Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22

I Can't Pee Standing Up, That's All

I'm tired of listening to all the voices in my head.


And before you call the psychiatrist, let me explain.


I'm the kind of person who thinks about everything, over and over and over.


Conversations that might happen in the future and conversations that happened in the past.


But I'm tired of it.


No more listening to the people who told me, YOU CAN'T or YOU SHOULD.


You can't go to nursing school (oh, really?).


You should be a doula (no offence to doulas, we need you, it's just not what I wanted).


You can't pay for school (no duh, God is giving my Mother and Father money to pay for school).


You shouldn't get loans for school (then how will I be able to rejoice when God pays off my loans?).


You can't say that (I just did).


You can't sing (no rebuttal, I'm still working on this).


You should get married (it's not time).


Okay, all done.


Forgiveness is occurring and has occurred.


Moving on.


Can't isn't in my dictionary anymore, except for, I CAN'T pee standing up, unless I'm in the shower, so really, no can'ts.


(Being home by myself gives me too much time to think about stuff, I need a job, and to work on thinking too much.)


"Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us." Romans 8:37

A Song On My Heart

I really want to do missions work.  I've gone on three ministry trips.  First to Dallas, TX, next to Lima and Cusco, Peru, and most recently to the Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota.  All of which were mostly children's ministry.


I love ministering to people.  I realized on my last trip that just being there to give someone a hug can make an impact on a person's life forever.


I'm not sure where I am to go yet, but when God calls, I will say, Here am I Lord, send me.


This song has been on my heart for a while now.  And I decided to try and capture my heart in a video.  I think it is nearly impossible to do that, especially with my webcam and mic.  But here goes.  We sang this song at the Wednesday night service at the South Dakota Reservation.  Pardon the audio, but I just had to get this out.

"Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me." Isaiah 6:8


As a side note, no one is around to bug me and all I do it play the piano and watch t.v.  Nothing exciting.  But I can sing the same song over and over all day and nobody cares.  I could get used to this.


PPS Got to 4,100 blog views today!!!

Can I Remember It All?!

I'm scared of getting so many memories that I won't be able to remember them all.


Which is part of the reason I started blogging.  (Or part of the reason I'm crazy.)


But the reason I post this now is:


The other day after clinical my whole class and the teacher got on the elevator.  And another nurse was on the elevator too.


The other nurse said something like "those were the day" but actually "I don't remember much, I blocked it all out."


Now, I'm assuming she didn't mean what she learned, but she blocked out the experience or her memories.


I wonder what nursing school was like for her?  Because I am having a fabulous time, minus the stress, papers, exams, and laundry.  But I cannot imagine doing something different than I am doing now.  I hope to remember all the fun times I'm having.  To remember the feelings of stress, and heartache, and joy, and new friends, and new teachers, and new experiences.  I hope to look back on this time and say, Thank you God, you did order my steps and you did have a plan for my life.


I just hope there is enough room for all my memories in my head.  Sometimes I find myself daydreaming, and laughing about what happened yesterday, or last week, or years ago.  I amuse myself.  So, if you see me seemingly laughing for no reason, this is why: ghosts of memories past.


"They shall abundantly utter the memory of thy great goodness, and shall sing of thy righteousness. The LORD is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy." Psalm 145:7-8

The End Of An Era

Tomorrow is my last Skills test.


Skills class is where you learn practical skills, such as how to care for a nasogastric tube, colostomies, chest tubes, IVs, how to make a bed, how to take ABGs, how to put in a Foley catheter, how to call a doctor on the phone, how to administer medicines, how to chart (theoretically at least I learn this), how to take care of a patient on a ventilator, etc.  And a Skills test is where you have to preform one of these skills by yourself why the teacher watches and grades you.


I'm nervous.  As always.


The point of this post is that is is my LAST Skills test.  There are three Skills classes: Skills 1, Skills 2, and Skills 3.


This is coming to the end of Skills 3.


Skills 3.


Next semester, no Skills.  I should have learned everything practical by now apparently.


I'm more than half way done with nursing school.


Can you believe it?


I can't.


Everyday, I wake up, wipe the drool off my face, and then I get to do what I love to do.  Go to school to be a nurse.


I feel so overwhelmingly blessed that at 21 I have found my destiny.  I don't know what is going to happen after graduation next May 2012, but God does.  So I'm not worrying.


I mean 22, not 21.


FYI, Still waiting for the paper.


"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Jeremiah 29:11


"The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way." Psalm 37:23


"A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps." Proverbs 16:9


"And the LORD shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not." Isaiah 58:11


"Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." Psalm 37:4

What I Learned/Thought About This Week

1. Be married when you have babies, it makes life easier.
2. Why does it seem all the cute ones are married?
3. People see me as an adult, even if I don't.
4. Don't say everything that comes to your head.
5. Appearances do matter.
6. Just because they don't know how to write an email doesn't mean they are stupid and I don't need to point it out.
7. Go with the flow.
8. Gray hair is a good thing, I should stop pulling them out. 
9. It doesn't matter where the dishes go in the dishwasher.
10. Blue eyeliner and shadow looks awesome with my blue school uniform.
11. Smoking is the number one cause of bladder cancer, because nicotine gets flushed out of your body through the kidneys and then into the bladder, and every time you pee you don't 100% empty your bladder, you have about 10 ml (or 2 teaspoons) left of urine in your bladder and the carcinogens in that 10 ml attack the cells in your bladder and cause cancer.
12. I actually know stuff.
13. The house is cozier after it is vacuumed.
14. If you give an inch, they will take a mile.
15. Party City in Winchester is da bomb.
16. Don't leave ice/water in the cooler and forget about it.
17. Gas is super expensive, and I just dropped $50 at Exxon without even getting a bag of chips.
18. Facebook and Blogspot are distracting.
19. It's hard to get everyone to agree, but it is okay to agree to ignore each other.
20. I miss my family, and cannot wait for Easter.
21. I cannot count the ways God has made my life so blessed, all I know is that he came and made beauty of my mess

"Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life." Proverbs 16:31 NLT